


take you in/shut you out

by iguanadepalo



Category: Hidden Block (Video Blogging RPF)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-23
Updated: 2016-04-23
Packaged: 2018-06-03 22:53:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6630355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iguanadepalo/pseuds/iguanadepalo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jeff can't stop worrying and Ian can't help but notice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	take you in/shut you out

**Author's Note:**

> i don't know

Small amounts of light filtered through the window, which made it seem as if there was a dimly glowing square on the floor. Jeff stepped over it many times, paying attention whenever he came close to it. The hallway was not pitch black. Jeff’s eyes were adjusted to the darkness, letting him detect any obstacles in his way and discern his surroundings.

Jeff crossed his arms rigidly, pacing up and down the hall. His bare feet felt cold against the hardwood floors. He was nimble, making sure that his steps didn’t stick and that the floorboards wouldn’t creak. He kept walking. Sometimes he stepped into the kitchen, but he wouldn’t open the fridge. He’d regress into the habit of opening the fridge and not taking anything out of it. That would make too much noise, and he wanted to avoid disruptive sounds.

Jeff’s eyes felt heavy, as heavy as they could get. He wouldn’t dare think about sleeping, though. He kept walking. Looking. He went into the kitchen. He didn’t open the fridge door. He went out into the hallway again. He took deep breaths, trying to remain under control. He kept his insides wrapped tightly, tying his emotions down. Every single bad thing he felt, he compressed it inside a small box and tried to shut it. He had this under control, he swore he did.

He walked faster. The faster his steps got, the faster the thoughts raced. Hurtful, malign thoughts jabbed at him, taking stabs at him in the dark. He’d soon crash against something for sure. His lip quivered, so he took it upon himself to restrain his lower lip between his teeth. Another bad habit. Whenever he did that he’d peel off skin from his lip and it would end up hurting like hell.

When he was back from his third trip to the kitchen, his right shoulder got caught on the door frame, which hurt, but it could’ve been worse. It didn’t stop him from walking. He touched where the door frame had hit him and hissed a little. It would bruise.

He was so tired. Still, he kept walking.

Now back in the hallway, he kept his arms crossed tightly once more.

Ian’s bedroom door opened, and Jeff looked back at it like a deer caught by headlights. He smiled almost impishly, like he had been caught doing something that could get him in trouble.

Ian looked at him. He knew what Jeff was doing. 

There was silence.

Jeff expected him to ask something. _What are you doing up?_ Or a command. _Go back to bed._

Neither happened. Ian looked at him with his lips pressed together, his eyes swollen with sleep. He looked so tired. He looked so _worried_.

Ian motioned for Jeff to come over, retreating into his room once more. Jeff did so, following Ian into his room and shutting the door behind them. Ian sat on his bed, patting the spot next to him. That was Jeff’s cue. He sat next to him, keeping his hands clasped together on his lap.

“What’s wrong?” Ian’s voice was gravelly at that time of night. The light that came from his window was more than what came in from the window in the hallway. The city lights washed over his sheets, shyly brushing against their skin. It was the kind of light that wouldn’t interfere with your sleep, but that you could stay up all night watching.

Jeff didn’t have an answer to the question. He wanted to be buried six feet underground, become one with the soil, have his mind be at peace for once. But that wasn’t happening. His brain screamed and he wanted it to stop. Jeff felt like an outsider in his own thoughts, almost as if he were witnessing a child throwing a temper tantrum. Still, it wasn’t like that. It filled him with rage and despair. He hurt. His throat burned, wanting to scream until he had no voice. His heart beat and he could hear it inside his head.

In real time, though, he looked forward blankly. He wanted to be mad at Ian, trying to direct the feelings towards something concrete. However, when Jeff’s head turned to glare at Ian, it was a different story.

Ian looked so concerned that his entire act became undone. His chest heaved, and he tried not to gasp for air embarrassingly. Everything he held on to, wanting for it to stay compressed and wrapped up nicely, fell out of his hands and shattered. He started shaking and his teeth clattered. 

Ian wrapped his hands around his shoulders, trying to bring him some sort of comfort. He couldn't stand seeing Jeff like that, and he couldn't stand not being able to help him.

A hand automatically went up to Jeff’s face to hide his shameful display of emotion. He grit his teeth, screwing his eyes shut. Tears dribbled down his cheeks and down onto his chin. He tried to hold back the wracking sobs. His other hand was curled into a fist, his fingernails digging into his palm.

“Shhh,” Ian tried to soothe him. “It’s okay, it’s okay.”

Jeff nodded, trying to agree, but he wasn’t sure if he could. His heart was still pounding, but his head slowed down enough for him to catch up with reality. He kept nodding, and his free hand caught Ian’s wrist.

“Fuck,” Jeff finally said.

Ian loosened his grip on him, pulling away to give him some space. 

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Jeff shook his head no. There was a pause.

“Do you want to stay here tonight?”

Jeff nodded.

“Well,” Ian shifted, ready to lie down again. “Okay.”

“Are you sure? I can leave, if you want,” Jeff supplied quietly, his voice still wet. Ian's heart clenched.

“I’m _sure_ , just,” he accommodated himself on the bed, providing Jeff with as much space as he could on the small bed. “Come here before I change my mind,” Ian joked.

Jeff offered him a smile which told Ian that at least he had done something right. He laid down, facing Ian, but shuffled downwards a little so he didn’t have to be so close to his face. Ian covered them both with a blanket up to their waists. 

Jeff grabbed a fistful of Ian’s shirt, breathing in his musky scent even though he shouldn't. He shut his eyes and willed his mind to go blank for the sake of getting some sleep. His brain cooperated, but mostly because his body ached for sleep in such a way that it was impossible to stay awake. He felt fuzzy for a while before sleep finally washed over him.

The sun still hadn’t come up and Jeff woke up, shaking off an ambiguous dream that he was sure had Ian in it. Ian’s chin was on top of his head, and Jeff wanted to preserve their proximity and the shared body heat, but he knew it wasn’t appropriate. The strange feeling of having Ian so close, sharing such an intimate moment. It wasn't right. Jeff knew that much. His chest ached again, feeling like his ribs were constricting his lungs. He noticed it was a different hurt, but pain was still pain so he tried to shut it out and forget about it as soon as possible. He couldn't have that. He couldn't have _him_.

Suddenly, all the hurt was back. He left Ian’s side without waking him up, tumbling over to his own room, feeling a pang of melancholy.

He had more trouble falling asleep this time.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm back, yo!!!
> 
> here is my first attempt at Angst™ 
> 
> so i've been having some strange days, but i'll have your regularly scheduled fluff soon enough
> 
> i have a fleshed out Greek God AU that literally no one asked for with 6k words behind it, no joke. it's tearing me apart. also, it's cute and nice. it has some mildly accurate mythos, it has some memes, and it's 100% embarrassing. i'm so excited to post it, i'm not even kidding. please ask me about it.
> 
> REMEMBER! if you liked it, you should comment and tell me what you think. thank you.


End file.
